Yamcha Attacks!
by Vegeta Goddess
Summary: Hundreds of aliens that looks like Yamcha have invaded Earth. Intent on caturing Vegeta as mate for their queen. Can Vegeta and the Z gang defeat the Yamcha's? (Yamcha bashing!)
1. Yamcha Attacks!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Independence Day, I also don't own Dragon Ball Z, I am going to own this kick ass collectors edition Goku doll soon though. Just give me time….

A/N   This is just a really dumb Yamcha bashing fic that I wrote back when I first started writing about 3 or 4 years ago so you'll have to forgive me if it's a little shoddy. 

**~*~*~*~**

**_Somewhere near the moon, in the darkness of space am evil entity was drawing ever closer to the unsuspecting inhabitants of Earth. The giant alien ship, shaped in the shape of a giant banana, contained within it the vilest alien creatures ever seen. It was only a matter of time before they reached Earth…_**

Bulma and Vegeta lay asleep in their bed, wrapped in a tangle of sheets, suddenly shattering the peaceful morning, Oolong, dressed as a dog, came bounding in and jumped on the bed. 

Vegeta sat up cursing and threw Oolong into the wall, "Stupid animal! Go back to your gay friends!" Vegeta threw the lamp from the bedside table at Oolong,

"Now, now Veggie, he's just trying to impress you." Bulma muttered as she rolled over, yawning and stretching.

"He wants to impress me he needs to get a job." Vegeta lay back down and concentrated on returning to his wonderful dream about Bulma, a bath tub full of jelly and many adult toys.

"MUM!" Trunks came tearing into the room (Now he is only the little 5 year old trunks, remember this people), "MUM, MUM! Look it!" Trunks pointed excitedly at the window, a glowing Ki ball in his hand.

"It's too early baby…" Bulma muttered and rolled over to wrap her arms around Vegeta.

"Go away brat, I was having a very nice dream!" Vegeta snarled at Trunks as he started to jump on the bed. Growling Vegeta hurled his alarm clock at Trunks who yelped and raced out side the room again; Oolong followed close behind him, muttering something about lawsuits from the makers of Independence Day.

"Soooo Vegeta…tell me about this dream of yours…" Bulma murmured as she slid on top of Vegeta and laughed sexily.

**_INSIDE THE ALIEN SHIP_**

"Your highness we have reached out destination." One of the hideous aliens spoke, his black spiky hair glistening with its own saliva.

"Excellent, deploy the troops, I wish for this planet and all its people to become ours as soon as possible, have you had any contact with our informer?" The Queen alien crossed its legs provocatively at the soldier.

"Yes, he said that the people of earth are quite defenceless and are ripe for the picking." The soldier, not at all averse to his queen's attentions fluttered his eyelashes flirtatiously.

"Brilliant!" The queen threw back her head and laughed manically, the drone aliens around her followed her example until the entire banana shaped ship echoed with shrill laughter.

**_BACK ON EARTH_**

Vegeta snatched the phone from Bulma and listened as Goku told him the bad news;

"It's horrible Vegeta! A whole invasion of aliens!"

"Aliens!" Vegeta's mouth dropped, not because he was surprised about aliens, but because Bulma has just flashed her breasts at him. "What kind of aliens?"

"Well as far as we can tell from early reports they're…Yamcha's!"

Vegeta gasped, "The aliens are all Yamaha's? That bastard I always knew he was up to no good. He must have been a spy for them. Damn it! How could we have been so blind, no normal man could possibly be that ugly and be human! Darn it!" Vegeta punched a hole in the wall.

"That not all Vegeta, they can shoot rays of light at people and they turn into dribbling idiots!"

"You mean…"

"Yes! The Yamcha's are turning us humans into them! They're making us Yamcha's!" Goku sounded hysterical.

Bulma and Trunks who were standing nearby let out gasps suddenly as a Yamcha appeared in their living room; Vegeta dropped the phone and fell into an attack position, frowning ferociously at the intruding alien.

"Hey! Vegeta! Do you wanna spar with me?" Yamcha grinned stupidly and licked his lips at Vegeta. 

"Vegeta, no! Something's wrong, Yamcha never offers to spar with you, he's too much of a wimp!" Bulma pulled Vegeta away from him just as Yamcha's mouth opened and a beam of light shot at him.

"Darn it!" Yamcha stamped a foot, "I missed! Now I'm really mad…ooh Bulma what a gorgeous dress!" Yamcha ignored them suddenly and walked towards the washing basket and pulled out a blue cotton dress.

"Aaaaaah! Cover the boy's eyes!" Vegeta yelled as Yamcha began to strip, "He'll be scarred for life!" Bulma shut her own eyes and covered Trunk's who was already whimpering and squirming.

"Oooooh! Its feels so soft! Oh and you have one in red!" Yamcha threw back his head and made a weird grunting noise, apparently in some sort of primal form of communication. An instant later two more Yamcha's appeared and began to try on Bulma's clothing…

**_Meanwhile at Goku's house_**

"Gohan! Nooooooo!" Chichi let out a wail as Gohan was hit by the beam attack that a Yamcha had fired at him. Gohan fell to the floor making choking sounds, his body convulsing and twitching as he started to turn into Yamcha. 

"Run Chichi! Is too late for Gohan! They've made him into one of them!" Goku blew up some more Yamcha's with a Kamehameha and grabbed Chichi, dragging her from the house.

"But why is he making that gurgling noise?" Chichi looked at the prone body of Gohan as Goku took off for capsule Corp,

"I don't know Chichi, all I can think of is that he turned into a Yamcha so stupid that it forgot how to breathe…"

Chichi began to cry, "The humanity! Oh the humanity!"

"I know Chichi…I know."

**_Back at Capsule Corp_**

"Nooo!" Vegeta grabbed Bulma and took off, "We have to get out of here!" 

The Yamcha's now clad in Bulma's clothing tried to grab them as they flew off, jumping as high into the air as they could in a desperate bid to grab Vegeta's ankles.

"No! Vegeta come back! Join us! Join us!" The Yamcha's howled as the most awesome character to ever grace the world left them.

"Oh, Vegeta! I've never been so scared in all my life!" Bulma shivered and buried her face in Vegeta's shoulder; she still clutched a shivering Trunks to her chest.

"Tell me about it! At least those things didn't proposition you with an eternity of being gang raped!" Vegeta shuddered in revulsion; in Bulma's arms Trunks swallowed his vomit,

"Those things were yucky daddy! They stole mummy's dresses too!"

"Be quiet brat!" Vegeta snapped, "I don't want to think about them anymore, and I definitely do not want the visual image of them dressed like that ever again!"

Trunks, Vegeta and Bulma all moaned and shuddered at the same time in disgust as they inadvertently remembered the dress clad Yamcha's.

"Look Vegeta! It's Goku!" Bulma pointed excitedly ahead at the Goku shaped dot on the horizon.

"I never thought I'd say this but…. God it's good to see Goku!" Vegeta said a quick prayer as Goku pulled up near them, Chichi in his arms wailing.

"Bad news Vegeta, those bastards have taken down the rest of our friends. Tien been changed into a drooling vegetable, Choutzu thinks he's a French poodle, Puar is…Puar and, oh Kami, it's so horrible! Master Roshi thinks he's a Russian Stripper, he was in our house and he began to…" 

Chichi covered Goku's mouth with her hand, "Don't say it Goku! I don't want to remember!"

Vegeta almost puked as the image of Roshi stripping inadvertently worked its way into his mind, "We have to stop them!"

"Yes but how?" Bulma asked, as sweat ran down her forehead.

"I don't know but we'd better then of something quick!" Chichi raised a hand and pointed a finger at huge crowd of Yamcha's that were heading towards them moaning Vegeta's name.

"I say we give them Vegeta!" Chichi whispered to Goku, as the Yamcha's got close enough for her to see that they were all in smutty women's clothing.

"Hey I heard that!" Vegeta yelled.

Suddenly Bulma's head shot up, "Guys! I have an idea! Get me out of here and back to Capsule corp. I know how to destroy the Yamcha's!" 

A/N - Oh-oh…cliff hanger! Can Bulma destroy the Yamcha's before they can capture Vegeta or will they all suffer the same fate of Master Roshi….please review and the next chapter will be up soon!


	2. Vegeta Attacks!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Independence Day, I also don't own Dragon Ball Z, I am going to own this kick ass collectors edition Goku doll soon though, and after the Goku doll will come Vegeta and Gohan…Victory is mine!

A/N - If you want the story to be really funny, try to get the Yamcha's voices to have that gay lisp when you read their lines. Oh yeah, I should just say that I happen to Love Piccolo and Krillen, don't diss my story or me just because I made them into Yamcha's.

**~*~*~*~**

"What do you mean you know a way to stop the Yamcha's?" Goku asked, as he stared fearfully at the gathering cloud of Yamcha's swarming towards them.

"It just occurred to me that the Yamcha's are so idiotic that they must have a leader on their banana ship in space. A Queen Yamcha if you will." Bulma's face darkened, "And judging by the Yamcha's enthusiasm to catch you Vegeta I'd say that their queen has a chosen a new mate." Bulma looked meaningfully at Vegeta.

Goku shook his head in pity, Chichi smothered a laugh and Vegeta paled while Trunks just moaned and shivered again.

The Yamcha's drew closer; one of them, being more adventurous flew faster and stopped a few yards form them, slobbering at the site of Vegeta. This particular Yamcha was wearing a black vinyl mini skirt with fish net stockings and a wearing a bright pink boob tube with oranges shoved down it to give his chest a little more bust. 

Bulma, Chichi, Goku and Vegeta began to slowly back away as they recognised this particular Yamcha as Piccolo, or rather what used to be piccolo.

"Run, run for your lives!" Goku yelped, the four friends taking off like a bat out of hell for Capsule Corporation. 

Behind them Piccolo-Yamcha gave a girlish squeal and took off after them, "Veeeeegeeeeeetaaaaaaa!" It called after them, "Resistance is useless Vegeta!"

Vegeta's eyes widened and he speeded up until he was flying faster then Goku, fear giving him super saiyan strength.

"Vegeta? Vegeta? You can slow down now…we're at Capsule Corp. Vegeta if you don't stop right this minute…I'll…. I'll…Stop right now or you get no sex for a week!" Bulma yelled as Vegeta flew straight over Capsule Corp.

Vegeta stopped midair, only the thought of never having sex being powerful enough to stop him.

"I knew you'd stop at that!" Bulma murmured as Goku and Chichi caught up,

"So what do you need to do Bulma?"

"I have the old space ship, the one that you use to train in Vegeta and we're gonna fly that thing to the banana ship and take out the queen. That will disorientate the drone Yamcha's below and with a little luck they'll either die or turn back into civilized Human beings…and Nameks…and demi Saiyans…and three eyed freaks…and scary little mime things." Bulma tossed her hair.

"Wow Bulma, that's a pretty good plan." Goku said as he set Chichi down.

"Well I'm not just a pretty face you know!" Bulma grinned.

"Yeah, I noticed." Goku muttered under his breath.

"Goku!" Chichi punched her sheepish husband and then marched him onto the space ship.

Bulma fastened Trunks into a chair and gave him a kiss, "you're so brave Trunks!"

Trunks merely moaned an shivered some more.

"Here we go." Vegeta said to know one at all as she ships door closed and they lifted off…

**_ON THE BANANA SHIP_**

"Sire!" Squealed one of the Yamcha drones, "An unidentified ship just docked with us! What do we do? What do we do?" The Yamcha began to hop from one foot to the other in a nervous schoolgirl way, twirling it's black hair around a finger.

"Nothing, let them come, they may be entertaining. Heaven knows I need some more entertainment. This guy's getting a little old." Queen Yamcha motioned for Master Roshi to be taken away midway through a strip, "Yes, let them come." A purple tongue flicked out in anticipation.

**_SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE DOCKING BAY AND THE THRONE ROOM_**

"Now everybody stay quiet. The smallest noise could alert them to our presence." Vegeta whispered.

Bulma knocked a stack of _empty _paint cans over and shrugged, "Sorry." 

The Yamcha's though, being as brainless and stupid as they are, continued to work obliviously around them.

"We got lucky that time but we may not be so…" Vegeta was interrupted mid-sentence…

"Boy, are _you a cutie!"_

Corny Porn music plays form nowhere, **_'Bow Bow Chicca Chicca Bow Bow''_**

"No it can't be!" Goku whispered as he slowly turned around to face that all too familiar voice,

"Krillen! Nooooooo!" Goku howled in pain as he saw his best friend dressed in a tight short purple satin dress with knee high black boots and a black boa around his neck.

"Oh stop your squealing you silly thing! I'm not Krillen, I'm Yamcha! I'm super happy. Say why don't you and I go and play by ourselves for a while?" Krillen put his hands on his hips and gave a suggestive wiggle, Goku promptly hid behind his wife, while Vegeta backed away shaking, Chichi and Bulma stared spell bound, Trunks had curled up into a protective ball and was rocking slowly, still moaning and shivering.

 Finally Chichi spoke…

"Isn't that one of my _t-shirts_ you're wearing?"

Krillen gasped and hugged his 'dress' protectively. "This is my _dress_! I didn't steal it! I found it and took it because it was just my size! And it is a _dress!!!!!! _Not a T-shirt." Krillen turned and began to walk away, "If you ever change your mind big boy just give me a call." Krillen blew Goku a kiss and sauntered off.

"That is by far the most disturbing thing that I have ever seen." Vegeta said in the silence.

"Worse then three Yamcha's stripping off in our house, in front of our child and dressing in my clothes?" Bulma asked, unable to take her eyes of Krillen.

"This was worse."

"I agree." Bulma picked Trunks up; Vegeta took one look at his traumatised son and walked over to him.

"Trunks! Listen to me! You are a man and you're going to screw hundreds of woman in your lifetime, pay no attention to the ignorance of the Krillen thing, it isn't the real Krillen. It was just a Pretend Krillen. You're a man, understand? A man!" Vegeta gave Trunks a shake.

"Yes, dad." Trunks looked up and hesitantly smirked, "Can I kill some Yamcha's later?

"That's my boy! You can kill as many as you like!" Vegeta handed Trunks back to Bulma.

"Lets get moving; we have to kill it soon. I can't take much more of this madness."

**_IN THE THRONE ROOM_**

The Queen Yamcha watched as the five Z members came walking in and giggled when they stopped and stared I shock and the queen in all her glory.

"Welcome, especially to you Vegeta." The Queen gave a smile and stood up, licking her/his vile lips.

"Who are you?" Bulma asked, as she stared up at the Yamcha queen, "What do you want with Vegeta? He's my mate and I wont let you take him away form me!"

"Oh you silly little girl, I don't want Vegeta for my mate, I want him to take over the throne." The Queen Yamcha turned to face Vegeta, "You knew this day would come Vegeta, why do you still fight it?"

"Who is she Vegeta?" Goku asked,

"She's the thing that killed my father! It wasn't really Frieza, I lied…it was all lies! That thing killed my father!" Vegeta gave a scream of rage and pain.

"You have it all wrong Vegeta." The giant ugly Yamcha said,

"No! Nappa told me everything!" Vegeta shook his head as the Queen Yamcha crept closer,

"Vegeta…I am your father!"

"What!" Yelled Chichi,

"What! Yelled Goku,

"What!" Yelled Bulma,

"I like pineapples!" Yelled Trunks,

"Nooooooooooo!" Screamed Vegeta as a Ki ball began to form between his hands, "I don't believe you!" Vegeta raised the ki ball.

"Vegeta? What are you doing? You wouldn't kill you own father would you?" The Queen Yamcha began to back away, holding out a hand to Vegeta.

"You're not my father!" Vegeta hurled the ki ball at it, laughing as the Queen Yamcha began to burn, screaming as it died.

Finally it was reduced to a pile of ash, "Do you think it was telling the truth?" Goku asked Vegeta gently,

Vegeta growled, "No, it was lying, it was just a trick to get me to stay with it." Vegeta shivered, "Its finally over, the nightmare is finally over."

**_MEANWHILE, BACK ON EARTH…_**

"What happened? Where am I? Aaaaaaaaaaah!" Piccolo sat up and looked down at himself, "Nooooooooooo!"

**_THE END…we hope._**

A/N – I hoped that this fic kept you all amused…its kind of old but I like it. There used to be a third chapter but it was one of the few files I couldn't get off my old computer after it crashed. Please review and tell me what you think!


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